Bad things can happen anytime, anywhere, and to anyone. One, who thinks that he or she is perfectly happy in their own bubble, might find themselves in an unwanted situation the next moment. Today I write to seek closure about one bad thing that happened to me over the summer, which has kept me immensely depressed.
Our 2nd-semester exams had finally come to an end, leaving us liberated of the burden of sleepless nights and exams worries. What stretched in front of us was a month-long vacation to be used fruitfully, in other words, get an internship. I was as ready as always to seize the opportunity and immerse myself in working as I have always done for the past three years. In no time I got selected as an intern in one of the reputed newspapers in Kolkata.
Although all my classmates started their work from the 1st of the month, my date of joining was given 10th of the month. I eagerly waited for 10th to come. However, on 10th, I got to know that the date has been postponed to the 15th of the month. I admit a small bug of insecurity and anxiety started gnawing at my mind. Yet, I kept faith in the editor, who promised me the internship. 15th of the month came and went and I was still not given a joining date.
I kept calling the editor and texting requesting him to pick up my call or answer my texts - at the very least let me know if I should try somewhere else. The man didn't answer it for once or replied back to my texts. He had kept me hanging till the middle of the month when it was impossible for me to get another internship all over again.
Anger, disappointment, anxiety, helplessness, sorrow, and a feeling of failure and of being cheated soared through me. I felt everyone would judge me because of no fault of my own. For days, my unfathomable anger over that man continued to rage over me, giving me crazy ideas of retribution, none of which I used.
All around me, my classmates were working and I was desperately hoping to get a break anywhere. All this tension and anxiety was killing me slowly. I lost my appetite, started having really bad dreams. However, as days waned on, with immense support from my mother and my boyfriend, I realized that I need to get closure and closure would come from acceptance. Acceptance that something bad has happened to me, I need to learn from it, accept it, along with the consequences. It's tough and painful but the bright side is that it will end, one day. Hopefully, the day is close, when I will forget about all this and go on as confident as ever.
Anyway, I did manage at last to procure an internship, though not in somewhere I would have wanted. But, something is better than nothing I guess. So bad things happen and it's awful when it happens. W can either move on or slowly go down the drain, which is not a very good prospect, I assure you. As my parting words to everyone, who will read this and also to myself.
I always whisper to myself in the darkest of nights,
When the empty mind brings terrible thoughts at terrible times
If winter comes,
Can spring be far behind?
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