As per Wikipedia, sadness is an emotional pain associated with or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, grief, helplessness, disappointment and sorrow. An individual experiencing sadness may become quiet or lethargic and withdraw themselves from others. An example of severe sadness is depression. Crying is often an indication of sadness.
If you ask me, all I can think of while I am terribly sad was all the others moments when I was sad and depressed. All those moments keep whirling in my head like memories enraged. Enraged of being kept in a dark and forgotten corner of my mind. It's their time of revenge. They come out, not one at a time, but in hordes and render my already feeble mind paralyzed with the pain of past wounds.
I have a bad habit of falling into depression. I also have a good habit of pulling myself out of the dark chasm from time to time with, of course with a lot of help from my mother, brother, and Arka. So what do I personally do when I am sad, hurt, and depressed?
I WITHDRAW FROM EVERYONE.
I GO SILENT, REPRESSING ALL MY EMOTIONS WITHIN MYSELF.
I GET ANGRY ON THE PEOPLE OR SITUATION RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS STATE OF MINE. I GET FURTHERMORE ENRAGED THAT I CANNOT MAKE THEM FEEL THE SAME PAIN I AM FEELING NOW.
I SURRENDER MYSELF TO SELF PITY, SELF WALLOW AND SELF CRITICISM ALLOWING TO BELIEVE MYSELF THAT I AM GOOD FOR NOTHING.
This is all I do when that dark shroud of depression wraps itself tightly over me. However being surrounded with the most loving people all the time, I have successfully pulled out of this dark phase every time, till now. *touch wood*.
So, this is what I prefer doing when I go down the drain.
Surrender to the people I love. Despite my shouts, silences, refusals, bad words, my family never left my side during my bad times. They endured it all and kept coaxing me to come to sit with them and talk or just sit. Initially, I used to resist, but then I let go. I surrendered and found peace in them and their smiles.
When they are not around me to help, I keep myself busy, in any way I can. I read, I watch films, I salivate while surfing Zomato or Swiggy. Not for a single second, I try to think about what happened or how.
I bawl out when the pain becomes too unbearable. My initial reaction although is to repress the emotional outbreak in my heart and pretend that everything is fine, at times this charade becomes difficult to keep up. It better to shed the tears than die a slow death.
I force myself to look or talk to those people who I know to love me unconditionally (Again those three people). I keep saying to myself that they matter and others don't. So it's better to snap out of it. Go down the memory lane to all the good times I have had. Though it's difficult to remember any, when you are sad, but its worth a try.
And if that doesn't work out, I play with my pet dog Mojo and Tumbles II. 99 times out of hundred, I snapped out of my depressive state thanks to the furballs.
Or, if nothing works, I go to sleep. Although it doesn't cure the sadness, I wake up refreshed and feel the sadness lingering lightly over my soul instead of a constant weight on my shoulders. The sadness with time becomes a memory or a distant dream.
But why I am I writing about sadness and depressing today?
Because I am depressed and I don't have my family or my dog or food or a bed around me to distract myself with. All I have are words, whizzing quietly around my head, asking for release. Thus, I sat down to soothe my wounded soul.
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